How to Shop for Men’s Clothes

Every five years or so I look at Luc and say, “Man, you gotta get some new clothes!”

It’s taken 20 years (what’s that, like four wardrobe changes?) but I’ve come up with three nearly fail-proof approaches to shopping for men’s clothes. None of which involves spending an entire day at the mall, visiting each and every store, scouring the racks for bargains, trying on anything and everything, not buying anything until you’ve covered the whole mall, then retracing your steps and buying your favourites, which is, of course, the classic way to shop for women’s clothes.

Each of these ways to shop for men’s clothes has its own pros and cons…maybe one of them will work for you!

The Passive-Aggressive Play

1. Leave the man at home.
2. Go shopping by yourself.
3. Buy everything you’d like to see your man dressed in.
4. Take it home and force him to try it on (during the commercials of the NHL Stanley Cup Play-offs is a particularly effective time, as his distraction quotient is at its max).
5. Keep what he likes.
6. Return what he doesn’t.

Pro: Your man becomes a life-size Ken doll that you can dress as you please.

Con: A return trip to the mall to take back and exchange anything that doesn’t fit. No wait. That’s a pro…

The Caged Animal Tactic

1. Lure the man to the mall with the promise of a stop at Home Depot on the way home.
2. Trick him into entering the menswear shop of your choice by saying something along the lines of, “They’ve got a really good sale on. It won’t take long. It can’t hurt to take a quick look.”
3. Convince him to try on one non-threatening piece of clothing. A golf shirt, say. Or a pair of jeans.
4. Trap him in the change room.
5. Take his pants if you have to.
6. With the help of a bored, eager-to-please, yet not-overly-pushy salesperson, continue to throw various items of clothing over the door into the change room until your options are exhausted and your man has tried on and agreed to purchase enough clothes to get him through the next five years.

Pros: a) You are still mostly in control of the wardrobe renewal process. b) Your man gets some say in what he’s going to wear. c) One-stop shopping. No wait, that’s a con…

Con: You may blow your entire clothing budget for the year in one shot. But since you only do this every five years, you’ve actually saved the equivalent of four year’s worth of cash for clothes. Which means more money left over for shopping for yourself! OK, hold on, are we talking about pros or cons again?

The Leave It to the Fates Manoeuver

1. Send the man to the mall by himself.
2. Stay home and drink wine.

Pros: a) You get to stay home and drink wine. b) You get to stay home and drink wine. c) You get to stay home and…OK, you get the point.

Cons: He may come home empty-handed. Then again, he may come home with three new suits, six new shirts, four new ties, socks, undies, shoes and a belt (yes, this has actually happened). In which case, you can celebrate with a glass of wine. Win-win!

Check out Luc’s thoughts on shopping for men’s clothes.